Things I Do to Make Life a Tiny Bit Easier

I'm sure we all had an idea of how parenting would look for us, and then we were handed tricky kids. I've talked about lowering the bar before, so today I talk about a few strategies I use to try to make life a little easier.

A Podcast for People Raising Tricky Kids

Transcript

  📍   Hi villagers. Welcome back to where the F is my village. Thank you for being here. Now you may have noticed that the last few weeks. There has been an issue or should I say a delay in the podcast? Showing up on your podcast. Apps. And that's because I'm struggling to get it done. So. As you might imagine, there is a process involved as far as, first of all, thinking about what I'm going to talk about and then taking the time to record it and then taking the time to edit it. And some weeks are. Easier than others. So some weeks, especially with work and with my kids. Um, well, we barely survived the week. Does that happen to anyone? Where you're just like, Aye. Literally. So we have these lovely ladies that come and clean our house. And I am, uh, always ashamed. Uh, the condition of the upstairs. When they come, I tell them to just skip it. I don't feel like they should be picking up after my children. I don't think that is why they are here. But I want to, every time like that, when they come, I want to be like, listen, we've had a hell of a week. This week has been awful. It's just a miracle. The house is still standing. But that's how I feel every time. It's not like it ever is easier. So, and then, you know, one of my kids was supposed to work on some math thing this weekend. He actually, I'm so proud of him. He brought it up to me multiple times that he needed to do it. Unfortunately, we were in the car every time he brought it up and then it was kind of on both of us, but on me to remember when we were at home to do it anyway, last night, everyone was in bed and I was like, damn it. We did not do the math thing. So I emailed the teacher and I just wanted to be like, if you could see what our life is like, you would understand why we didn't get this done, but. Um, we're going to do tomorrow after school. So just say, you know, Is this assignment that he already completed and the way his school works is they really want you to understand the concept. So they will give you your. Project or your worksheet back. To revise until they feel like you get it. So that's where we are. And I think a lot of kids actually were invited to revise this particular math exercise. So we're not alone in it. But, um, Anyway, so. That I am experiencing delays. I have played with the idea of. You know, putting the podcast up less often. I don't really love that idea. I feel like, well, it's slow growing, but I do feel like the, you know, the listeners are growing and the people who listen on a weekly basis are loyal and, you know, the content is helping. People in some way. So, I don't know. I need to figure that out. So I apologize. There is nothing wrong with apple podcasts or Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. If you're, you know, on Monday morning, you're driving yourself to work and my podcast is not there. It is my fault. So I apologize. I need to be more consistent. And I, one thing I've considered is maybe changing the day of the week that it drops. I have a lot of lofty ideas about how much time I'm going to have over the weekend to work on this. And. It's not always the case. My time is not always within my control. So there are certainly more often than not lately in our lives. Um, time where I'm like, gosh, everyone is kind of occupied. What should I be doing with myself? And that is kind of new because our youngest is eight. But when the kids aren't getting along or there's a lot of friction or somebody doesn't feel well, I mean, the day's off the rails by, you know, 8:00 AM sometimes. And then it's like, well, I had all these ideas of what I was going to do today, and I'm clearly not going to be able to do any of them. And if kids are fighting, it's real hard to record a podcast just because I assume all of you don't really want to listen to them. Fight in the background though. 

I'm sure you could relate. So anyway today, I just, I was kind of inspired by this tick talk. I follow a pediatrician. I think she's like a pediatric like emergency room doc. And um, if anyone wants to know her name, Let me know. Cause I can't remember off the top of my head. But she was making a video about how. Her kids sleep in the clothes that they're going to wear to school the next day. And in the video, she kind of was like kids. It's time to get ready for bed. Go put on your, your clothes for tomorrow. And you can hear a kid in the background go is tomorrow a school day. She's like, yeah. So they pick out a school outfit. Now, before you're horrified, you have to picture that there's a certain population of child. That wears nothing but leisure wear or athletic wear. So we're talking t-shirts and elastic waist shorts. We're not talking about like a dress or a collared shirt or jeans or something. That would be hell I could never sleep all night in a pair of jeans. But. My kids almost exclusively wear comfy clothes all day long anyway, and nobody in my house is particularly interested in pajamas. So anyway, she posted that and I was like, oh, we do that. Didn't really think anything of it because we've done it for ever and years. And, um, the comments were kind of all over the place. No one was mean I have to say. And it could just be the people that, whose videos that I watch on Tik TOK. But for the most part everyone's comments are so nice. It's like a completely different universe than like Twitter or Facebook where people just are mean. Just like, it's like, I'm here to be a troll. It has nothing to do with anything. I'm just going to slide in here and be mean, most of the comments on ticktock are usually like, oh, I'm so sorry, honey. You're going through that. Or we believe in you or you're so funny. Thank you for posting this. It's kind of interesting, but literally it could just be the people I follow and maybe there are mean people. Out there following other people. But the, I would say this was divided as far as people going. I just can't imagine sleeping in the clothes I'm going to wear, you know, out of the house. The next day sounds so uncomfortable. It seems like their clothes would be a wrinkled mess. Guys your clothes are not going to be a wrinkled mess if they're synthetic fibers. So we're talking about 100% plastic, basically all of the wicking, polyester, spandex shirts. It's nearly impossible for them to wrinkle and same with the shorts. So that isn't an issue. Now, if they were in actually cotton tee, I think that's fine. But yeah, if they were in a shirt that, you know, I might require a steam or an iron. Yeah. They look like a nightmare. Anyway, it was just funny how controversial it was. And I was like, Hmm. Is this thing that we do controversial. Interesting. So. I would say sometimes they just sleep in their undies. But more often than not, they're just sleeping in shorts and a t-shirt. I have one kid in particular. He, this is gross guys. I know he will wear the same clothes for a couple of days and he'll sleep in them. We have discussed with him. Y that's gross. And that his clothes. You know, he's outside a lot at his school. So like his clothes have everything he's encountered all day on them. And then he's getting into his bed. So now that's on his sheets. And it's like gross and dirty. And he just doesn't care. And there are so many things in my house that I care about. And I do care that he might be sleeping in. And wearing the same outfit, like two to three days a row at school. So I'm like, buddy. You have worn that gray shirt with a massive Umbro, uh, label on it or logo on it. For three days, like no one is like, not noticing. You're doing this. Um, but he just doesn't care and sometimes he cares and sometimes he doesn't. And. I have just had to lower that to the bottom of things that I care about. So when I was thinking about that, I was also thinking, what else am I doing around the house that maybe other people haven't thought of? You know, what shortcut, what shortcuts are we doing? So I wanted to talk about a few things. 

First of all, sleeping in their clothes. That's a big one for our household. And it just everyone in the morning can just roll out a bit. And they can go brush their teeth and eat their breakfast. And it's one less thing. I will say, as far as, um, brushing their teeth, I have discovered something new. It is called a truth brush. Truth as in the opposite of line brush. And this is not an ad. I am not sponsored by them or anything. But it's been all these various options for how to get your kids to brush their teeth have been in my Instagram Tik talk and Facebook. Forever. And we have just had an issue and we have tried everything with the teeth brushing. At one point we had everyone's toothbrushes in the kitchen. So that we could. Monitor. They're brushing and I wouldn't have to go to each of the bathrooms and stand there while they're brushing or brush their teeth themselves. And, you know, before I had kids, I would've thought what's the big deal. Like at night you make sure your kids brush their teeth. Like you either, especially if they're younger, you brush them for them. You make sure they're flossing. But you know what, by the time it's eight o'clock and multiple people in our house are going to like the bedtime routine is starting at the same time. I am out of energy. Like out of the part of me that should really be invested in how well they brush their teeth. So. You know, we have had some issues with that. And you know, if your kid walks in the room and you can see from a few feet away, that they haven't brushed their teeth. You might have a problem on your hand. So this truth brush. Has this little thing it's maybe dime-sized and has a little silicone cover on it with a loop. So, imagine it kind of like a ring that you might slide onto your toothbrush. And in it, it is connected through your home's wifi. To an app on your phone. So my kids do not have an app. I had looked at other things where they, my kid would be brushing their teeth while you know, watching a Disney video and they have to like erase the whole. Picture or whatever, or complete some game or something. I didn't want one more thing on their devices for me to manage. So I had ruled all of those out a while ago, but this is an app on my phone. So. It detects movement. It, it, I, I don't know how this is possible from this little tiny thing attached to their toothbrush, but it can tell. Um, how long they've brushed on each section of their teeth. How long they brushed total, how much they brushed up and down and side to side and circular. Now, my kids all have a pretty inexpensive oral B electric toothbrush. So I think that helps. But it's kind of awesome. So I, after everyone's brushed their teeth, I just get a little alert that says their activity is ready to view. And if they haven't brushed for very long, it'll say so-and-so brushed, but not long enough. And so you can really quickly be like, Hey. Said she didn't brush well enough, go try again. And then the map thing is really cool because basically the teeth they didn't brush very well are in pink. So I can literally show them this digital version of their mouth. And they're actual like technique in brushing has really improved. And then they earn badges for consistency. So brushing twice a day. And hitting your whole mouth. And for long enough you earn badges. That just towards what you might say, literally, nothing. They don't earn you anything. Um, but I thought that was stupid. I was like, okay. And you're in a badge, whatever. I didn't even think I would really even be showing them the app very much. 

But they really care about the badges and they're kind of framed like Pokemon cards. So some of the badges will say common. And some of them will say extremely rare. So then it's very exciting. If the picture on your badge is rare. For what purpose? Like I said, I don't know. The kids are just motivated by it. And I have to say one of my kids has been really inconsistent brushing his teeth and he had two badges and his brother had eight. And I am not even the one that brought that up. He wanted to see how many badges he had. And I was like, oh look, you have to. And he was like, well, how much does he have? And I was like, oh look, he has eight. And he's like, 

And I showed him. I was like, buddy, look, there's a little, it gives you a little calendar of Monday through Friday, and it has little circle for morning and evening. And guess what? There's a lot of red circles during the week where he just chose not to brush his teeth. And so you can't earn a badge if you're not even trying. So anyway, I just love it because like I can sleep in on a Saturday morning. And get out of bed. And I used to be like, Hey, did you brush your teeth? And then I'm like looking at their mouth and then I'm like going to touch their toothbrush to see if it's still wet. Now I just opened my phone and I go, Hey, I haven't gotten any alerts this morning that you brushed your teeth. 

You better get to it. It is making my life. So much easier. And I know the people in our dental office really well. And I have to say there's a certain level of embarrassment when you're sitting there. And your kid's mouth looks like trash. So anyway, it has gotten better. So it is one less thing. That I have to micromanage. I can let the app do the work. They are motivated by it. And it is promoting consistency. And last night I was kind of just like, Walking through the room and I was noticing. My kid was brushing his teeth for a long time. And I could tell he was really looking at what parts of his mouth he was brushing. And I was like, this is amazing. So anyway, so that is something. That, uh, we have implemented recently. I think the little badges are like 30 bucks, so it's not like crazy expensive. It's kind of amazing all the things that you get with it. I think there's a more expensive version that like the, a little badge is chargeable. Ours has a button battery in it. That's supposed to last a year or something. And then I guess we just buy a new one. I don't know. I wanted the cheapest option cause I was like, if this is a piece of junk, I really don't want to have wasted very much money on it. Okay. What else have we done in our household to try to simplify our lives? So I wrote down rules, charts, and I went and took a picture of some of the rules charts. And I realized that, oh dear, over the summer, we kind of have been, we have super duper back slid on following some of these charts. 

So all of these signs are laminated. In the various area. That the rules apply. For instance, there's a garage rules. One. And it says, do not use dad's tools without permission. And then it lists the tools, tools, rakes, snow shovels, long extension cords. If it is not your toy do not use it. Put everything you use away before you come inside, do not leave anything in the yard or driveway. I'm pretty low bar for rules. But I have to say since posting that it has been pretty huge. Another thing that we have done is gotten a very good toolbox that has a really good lock on it. And I'm going to go over locking things up here in a second, but that has been super helpful. But. Just posting it and all this stuff is laminated guys because the local office for my company, like closed, cause everyone's working remote. So they had all of these office supplies that they were didn't have anything to do with them. And I was like, I will. We'll take the laminator. So I can't say that I would have ever purchased a laminator, but I love Lebanon in things. With my free laminator. So it's laminated, it's posted in the garage. We all went in the garage, reviewed it together. And, um, we refer back to it, but honestly that was a very good reset with them. And it's all posted and it's all, um, consistent. So garage success. And then we have family rules posted in the kitchen. And they are probably. Uh, I don't know. I think people would nourish HIPAA neuro-typical kids would maybe find our rules surprising because there no hitting no name calling or cussing. Do not damage property or another person don't damage. Another person do daily chores to earn screen time, do weekend chores to earn. Additional screen time. Did you notice that there isn't a lot of stuff on there just about. I don't know, making sure you put your dishes in the dishwasher, um, putting your shoes away when you come home, where your backpack goes, when you go home, um, doing your homework, dah, dah, dah, dah, like it is a low bar. We just really want no name calling and cussing. Like that's where we are right now. Now that they have gotten better at some of these things. I think we can probably add some more rules, but guys, we were just trying to get the train back on the tracks. 

We also have all boys. Which really affects. How things go in our household, I'm just sure. Okay guys, we followed the screen time, screen time rules for a long time and through the summer, and then near the end of the summer, I think we just gave up. Right. Cause you're just like, oh my God can school, please start. But the screen time rules. We are. Screen time is not a right. It must be earned. I need to go back over this. My kids are so, uh, screen time is like they live and die by screen time. I'll screens count towards your total. So TV, Chromebooks, iPads. Switches. They all count towards your screen time bank. There is no free screen time. Weekday screen-time is earned by completing your daily chore. And no fighting in the car ride to, and from school, you guys, the fighting in the car ride to and from school. Has improved so much. I'm not saying it's all rainbows and unicorns in there. I haven't had anyone physically poncho brother. This school year so far, that has gotten way better. We have assigned chores to the kids. And it goes over. Like you need to complete your chore in order to get some screen time. And then you lose screen time by choosing to break rules once lost screen time cannot be earned back on that day and you must choose to follow the rules the next day. And then on weekends and holidays, I give them, I start the day with some extra screen time just because it's Saturday and frankly, I want to sleep in. And if they don't have screen time, I will be woken up at 7:00 AM. So that was all for me. So. When it comes to chores. I have to be honest. I really kind of go, I, my opinion on chores is all over the place. And I think the reason for that is that I didn't have any chores growing up. And my brothers did not really have any chores growing up. I do remember my brothers mowing the lawn. Um, I think my parents paid them to do that. I tried to mow the lawn one time and was so bad at it. I was fired and never allowed to do it again. I wish I could tell you that was at some master. Like plan of mine to do such a bad job, mowing the lawn that I would never be asked to do it again, but I was actually trying, it was just terrible. So I didn't have any chores. I don't really remember, like helping with laundry. I know sometimes I had to empty the dishwasher. I don't think anyone in our house did anything consistently. Um, I think. You know, we were a lot for our parents. And so I think it was, and my mom until I was in high school was a stay at home mom. So, you know, maybe that has something to do with it. Although frankly, if I didn't work, I still feel like I would be so busy all day. I don't know that I would have time to accomplish anything around the house. So anyway, and I turned out okay. Like I am a hard working. Hopefully people don't see me as spoiled. I mean, listen, I like nice things, but I know the value of hard work. So to my brothers, We do well taking care of things around the house, and we've really didn't have chores growing up. So sometimes I'm like, eh, I just wanna, I, we were able to be kids. We spent most of our time playing and we were outside and we were. You know, inventing things or building things or wrestling or whatever. So sometimes I'm like, oh, they're only kids once. Why are we making it so rigid? And then sometimes I'm like, oh, our kids need to be helpful. They live here. They are part of the mess. They're part of the reason that we have a mess. And so the ADHD dude, when I did his, um, Like one of his courses online, which, um, he is a little bit, uh, abrasive. Isn't the right word. Maybe direct and certainly there's no flowery language that comes out of this guy. So you guys can, if you ever look at his videos or you find him online, you can take what he has to say with a grain of salt. Um, however, he talked about how kids with ADHD, ordinary diversity, it's really important for them to have a chore. Because it builds self-esteem and it shows them that they are capable of doing something and completing something. And when he put it like that. I was like, Hmm. Interesting. Because you know, if you're neurodivergent and you kind of feel like, um, you're not as good at as everyone else's like all day at school or. Whatever. But you can do a good job consistently emptying the dishwasher. And it's very helpful to the functioning of your family. I think it could be build self-esteem. So the shores that our kids have. Currently. Are my youngest empties, the dishwasher. He takes all of the glass stuff out and sets it in front of the cabinet. It goes in. He is a little nervous to try to climb up and down on a step ladder and put like wine glasses and like ceramic dishes away. So he sets it where it goes, and then it's real easy for me just to put the stuff away, but he does all of the silverware, all of the plastic dishes, all of the cooking utensils, all of that stuff. He empties the dishwasher. My oldest. Cleans the kitchen after dinner. Is he doing awesome at it? 

I mean, we've had to show him like how, when he hand washes pots and pans, how they're not actually that clean and things like that. And we, you know, he, it's so funny to watch him because Casey and I will actually be sometimes just sitting and chatting at the dinner table while he is cleaning. And. I have watched him more than once think that he's completely done and then turn around and see like pots and pans and stuff on the stove behind him. And we have all done this where he was like, oh, there's still more. But he. He don't, we don't make him white down the counters or anything, but, you know, if we made spaghetti the pots that it was all made in and the utensils we used, he's responsible for washing all of that. He's responsible for taking. All of the stuff that's in the sink, putting it in the dishwasher and he starts the dishwasher. And then. Our trickiest kid is in charge of trash and recycling. Which I don't know about you guys, but we somehow create a lot of trash in our kitchen area in particular. So. Fairly frequently, he's having to take the trash out. He's in charge of rolling the bins to the street and then rolling them back up. And listen, not to say that all of these people don't. Um, require some reminders. But. These shores are not made up shores. These are chores that Casey or I would be doing. Daily, basically that we're not having to do anymore. And we're not necessarily, it's not like this effortless thing, you know, after dinner, sometimes our oldest, he is so good at the, I think it's called an Irish goodbye where you're like, whoa, where did he go? He disappeared. Like he can get out of a room and to his room with the door closed before you notice he's gone. So he's a little slippery. But he, when we're like, um, hello, you need to pick up after dinner. He always come downstairs. He does it. And it's something that Casey and I are not having to physically do. We're able to kind of sit and chat with each other after dinner. And then, you know, we may, usually the dishes have to be emptied right after dinner because there's nowhere to put the dirty dishes. Then he does the dirty dishes. And then when the trash needs to be taken out. The kid who's in charge of it, takes it out. We may have to remind him that we're not doing a lot of back and forth. I will say occasionally when they say they don't like their chore. I offer other options and they like those li less. So. Dog poop is a big one. We have like the pooper scooper thing, and they're more than welcome to swap for that. And watering the plants. They find annoying because they are all terrible at coiling the hose. And Casey has some very high standards for hose. Cogwheeling. Um, so any, I'll just rattle off other things and they're like, no, nevermind. I will stick with my current shore. So anyway, so I think it has what the main thing for me is they're in charge of a small piece of the house that is actually helpful. 

Like. This is amazing that there are these little people who have done nothing. Their entire lives, but create more work for us. And now they are suddenly helping. And part of the team. It is so nice. 

Sometimes when I get overwhelmed. And I look around the house. I'm like, oh my gosh, there's all this stuff to do. Are these, all these things in the yard that needed to happen, or I have to carry all this stuff in from my car. And I'm like, what am I doing? I have three. Children in this house that are capable of helping me with this. So that has been an interesting adjustment now that they're older. Because they're capable. In a lot of ways of being actually helpful. Okay. Other things that we have done to make our lives easier around here is we lock up EV re. Thing. Everything that we care about. I have mentioned before on here. That. For everyone's safety and sanity. We've had these little like boop boop, boop, boop key padlocks on a lot of doors in the house. So for a very long time, we kept the pantry locked. Um, particularly when they were littler, because they would eat, you know, like three boxes of cookies or granola bars or whatever, before Casey and I were even out of bed. Or God forbid you buy cookies to take to school in two days for somebody's birthday party. Like, Nope, they're gone because they could get in the pantry. So for the longest time, we would set out a lot of foods, so bagels and, you know, they'd have access to the toaster and make Eggo waffles and granola bars and cereal bars and stuff. And then the pantry would be locked in the morning and they wouldn't have access to it. Um, That has actually improved a lot. So I can't even really remember the last time we locked the pantry, but the lock is there. We have a lock on the gate to our backyard. And we have a lock on the door, exiting our backyard to the pool. And those are just pool safety things. They do not know. Actually our oldest knows the code because it's nice when we might not be around and the dog needs to go out for him to be able to open the back door. But it is a peace of mind thing where if I'm going to go work out, you know, the treadmill is all the way upstairs with the door closed. I have music going that I know they can't get out to the pool because they can't get the door open and listen in a fire. I have told them just open a window or. You know, throw a chair out the window. Like nobody cares. You're going to be able to escape. You're just on a daily basis, not able to get to the pool. And then we have a key padlock on the exercise room door, which I think they have all figured out. Uh, Code. Um, our oldest has a keypad lock on his bedroom to keep his little brothers out because they are terrible about stealing from him and breaking his stuff. And then the toy closet in the game room. We leave that locked all the time because otherwise every single thing in there will be dumped out all over the entire room and it will be a nightmare. So if they need anything in there, no big deal. I will come open it for them. So those things are helpful to be locked up. And then. Like Casey's toolbox has been huge. So he used to have one of those. Tall red craftsmen. Um, toolboxes. And it did have keys and it could lock, but it was like your standard, like, I don't know, like diary key, like a little tiny key and a little tiny hole to put it in. 

Which is apparently very easily picked by industrious children. If they can get a stick or a screwdriver or literally anything. So the locks were completely stripped on the toolbox. And listen, we had tried everything. I gave everyone their own set of tools with their own little bag. That's anyway. Tools. For some reason are like their kryptonite. So, you know, Casey was so frustrated with the whole tool thing. And I was like, surely a tool box exists on this planet that they can't get into. So I was like, I hereby empower you to go to Lowe's and buy the Fort Knox safe of toolboxes. So he got this new toolbox and it has a circular lock, like the. It can't be picked like you can't stick a screwdriver in it because the actual lock is circular and it's like, goes over a cone. And with a certain. Little markings on it. And if it doesn't line up, right, you can't get it open. So they can't break into the toolbox is the whole point. And that has been amazing. So. Did we lose the toolbox keys? Yes. Yes we did. Luckily there's places online where you can like enter in the serial number or whatever of your toolbox, and they can send you a replacement. And now the toolbox keys are kept in our safe. And nobody knows the code to the safe, but me and Casey. Speaking of the safe. Literally anything, I would say the safe is about the size of a bread box. Okay. Or like a toaster oven for the people who don't know what a bread box is. It's not huge, but anything that we care about that we don't want the kids to run off with, we stick it in there. It's kind of ridiculous. So recently it has gotten to the point where there is just there's no nail Clippers or nail files. Like anywhere in our bathroom where they're supposed to be. They're just spread throughout the whole house. Very frustrating. I think when the kids grabbed them, they have the best of intentions. To bring them back. It just doesn't happen. So. I a long time ago. So, see, you know, I'm a Dax Shepard, super fan, and Kristen bell posted a video on Instagram and it is hilarious and it is him. He has bought us, uh, like a safe box, like a suitcase kind of thing. And it has keys and he is putting all of his nail clipper manicure set items in there. And then like his hair tools and some other stuff. Cause he's so tired of his little girls stealing from him and he's kind of on a rampage. And I told Casey, I was like stars. They're just like us, their children steal all of their stuff. So. Uh, for Casey's birthday, I got him a nice manicure set that's in like a little leather. Folio dude, all that with a zipper. That is small enough that it can be kept in the safe. So. He will, if he wants to clip his nails or file something. It will be in the safe and the kids won't be able to seal it. And it will be one less thing for us to be put out about with our children. 

Okay. Two more things. One. 

Embrace safe danger. Now, I know those are contradictory terms, safe and danger, but here's what I mean. Obviously. Like, I'm not going to hand my kids. I can a gasoline and matches and be like, figure it out, kids. Um, I don't want my kids around firearms or big knives or the lawn mower. But there are so many things that kids today don't know how to do that. All of us. Listening. We're capable of doing when we were kids. One of them is wayfinding. Wayfinding is your ability to get from here to there on your own without getting lost. There's a lot. Of kids that are not capable of walking on their own from their house, maybe to the park that's in their neighborhood or to a friend's house. Or, you know, to a landmark in their neighborhood. And it is incredibly important actually for their brain development. There's been multiple studies on this. That if they can't do that, it's such an essential skill. And by the way, we are relying way too much on GPS. So kids who are learning to drive and who are driving need to be able to orient themselves in their city or town without GPS, they need to understand where they are, which direction is north, south, east, west. What are major landmarks? How the street numbering in their neighborhood or their city works. Because you just have absolutely no idea what life is gonna throw at them. And if they don't have their phone or the battery's dead or something, and they are at a friend's house. Do they know. How to get from there to home or vice versa or whatever. So wayfinding is a big one. And that means that your children on at an age appropriate time, need to be able to have the freedom to leave your street. And go elsewhere in your neighborhood. Now not every neighborhood is safe to do that. But if your neighborhood is safe, If this is the type of place where you might leave your car running and run inside because you forgot your purse. 

If there are friendly neighbors, et cetera. Your kid needs to be able to hop on their bike and ride around and go on a little adventure. It's so huge for their confidence. Yes. They could get hit by a car. If they don't look both ways. They, I. The odds of them getting kidnapped are so infant testimo the media makes it sound like every time you turn around, somebody is there to kidnap your kids. That is not the case. 

So wayfinding is a big one. And then other dangerous things like tree climbing. 

 Climate around on maybe the outside of a jungle gym or park playground. Doing par core. Deciding they're gonna, you know, do a flip on the swing or hang upside down or jump really far on the swing. I think it's personally important. When you and your kids are at a playground. To think to yourself. Okay. If it were 1985, I would be at this park alone. So. What would that look like? Now I can't be at a major city park. And not be near my kids. First of all, I think somebody would call the police. But I try to pretend like I'm not there. And what I mean by that is if they have decided to climb up on top of the playground structure and decide they're a pirate or something, I pretend like I don't see it happening. I'm going to let them climb up there. I'm going to let them run around and. Be a little monkeys. I can't tell you how often our oldest loves to climb on top of stuff. We were at. Uh, pumpkin patch one time and they had all these random things and one of them was a place at, and. All these kids were like climbing up the ladder and going down the slide. And he was on top of the place that I'm not even sure how he got up there. He was like 10. But I was like, of course that's where you are, but he's having some safe danger. Now, if he fell, he absolutely could break his arm. Absolutely. But if we take away all of our kids opportunities to make. Dangerous decisions. We take away their autonomy and heaven help me. If my kid doesn't know how to handle himself after he's graduated from high school and he doesn't know how to get around town. He doesn't know how to. You know, climb a tree or do something with strength or make a decision on, you know, maybe he's camping make a decision on what is safe to climb or not climb. Like they all need experience with falling down scratches and bruises. And maybe some broken bones. We haven't had, actually, that's not true. One of my kids has broken his arm before, but it was in the game room of all places. Um, tools. So we're all about comp carpentry. We've had to reign that back in a little bit because our kids would leave nails everywhere and Casey could not handle it. Because obviously one of us is going to run over it. We're going to end up with a flat tire. But. We allow them to go out in our driveway with hammers and nails and screwdrivers and scraps of wood and try to build stuff. And we don't oversee it. And. Yes, occasionally they hit their thumb with the hammer. We don't let them saw. At least not intentionally when they were able to break into the toolbox. I think they got out the saw more than once, like just a handsaw and we're sawing things, but we, I let them run out there with a box of paint and cardboards, cardboard boxes and wood, and I'm like, oh my God, whatever happens happens. 

If they get paint all over my driveway, we can power wash it off. And they're just out there figuring stuff out and try to be creative. And this last one might be a little controversial. A few weeks ago, I was in the pool. Reading. And one of my kids came out and I apropos of nothing said, I want to boil an egg. Um, we don't eat boiled eggs around here and we haven't dyed Easter eggs in a super long time. So why on earth did he say he wanted to boil an egg? I don't know, but he's eight. And he came out and said he wanted it to boil an egg. And I said, okay. Give it a try. And he kind of looked at me and I was like, I mean, he, this kid can make a grilled cheese. He can put things in and out of the oven. He uses the toaster oven all the time. Boiling and egg seems pretty straightforward to me. He's like, okay, how do I do it? And I said, well, you're going to want to get a pot. And you're going to want to put some water in it and you're going to want to put it on the stove until it makes all the bubbles and then is boiling. And then I, if I were you, I would use. A big stirring spoon to gently lower an egg into the pot. No idea how long it takes to boil an egg. I don't know if it's three minutes or 10 minutes. This could be a fun experiment. To see how long it takes. You're just going to let it sit in there. And then when your timer goes off, you're going to take it out with the spoon and then you can let it cool. And you can try to take the shell off. And then he just went inside. And no injuries happened. He boiled multiple eggs and kind of figured out the ideal temperature. For boiling that egg. Uh, and he ate it and then he brought me one, which was random. Nobody, I think anticipates eating, boiled eggs while swimming around in the pool, but okay. But I try to tell them, like, you're capable of doing this. Okay. You want to boil an egg? Here's how you do it. Go inside and do it. You're almost nine. And, you know, everyone always says this, but like when I was six, I was putting Pillsbury cinnamon rolls in and out of the oven, like by myself, And using the stove and doing all of these things. I don't know where my parents are. I assume they were asleep. And I felt very capable. And it was what did wonders for his self esteem and he felt very capable. And then the last thing I do. 

Is, I just actively ignore the negative stuff because if your kids or anything like me, the, um, negative behaviors or the dumb stuff they do, you could spend your whole day correcting them. And it's not really good for anybody. And then we try very, very hard to focus on good behavior, even if it's Hey buddy. Thanks for throwing that cup away. Or, Hey, I noticed that you took the trash out without me asking, gosh, I really appreciate it. Or. That was really nice of you to let your little brother play that game with you. Like literally anything, try to notice the tiny things. And. Within reason, try to actively ignore the other stuff, because I know in our household, it wasn't until I watched one of the ADHD, um, dude's trainings. That I realized that my, you know, my kids were getting a lot of attention when they were messing up and we were not actively pointing out all of the little things that they did throughout the day that were good and helpful, even if it was Hey, I noticed you hung your towel up after your shower. Thanks for doing that. 

I just have to be a big thing or just like good job hanging up your towel. Thanks for putting your shoes away. Thanks for helping me get the trash out of the car. When we got home. Like, I appreciate that. That's helpful. Oh, you checked the mail. Thanks for bringing me the mail. I appreciate that you saved me a trip to the street. All of the little tiny things that they do. Well, I think it's important to notice. So. We that's what we do around here. And then the other thing is never be afraid to scrap something. If it's not working. I can't tell you how often I've been like, okay guys, family meeting, mommy has a new strategy. This is what we're going to do. And rereading our screen time rules from last year that were going really well. I'm like, oh yeah, we don't do any of those anymore. And I wished we did. So. I'm going to have to have another family meeting where we get back to that. And then there's other things, you know, that. I used to think were super important and maybe they're not anymore. We've tried different things where like the kids could do various chores to earn extra screen time. And honestly it made them rabid. Screen-time monkey. Wild animals. And there was so much, like if I said, Hey, would you mind watering the plants? Or, Hey, can you bring the trash can up or whatever? And they'd be like, well, what do I get for it? How many screen-time minutes do I get? And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is just part of living in the house. Man, you live here, you're going to help some times, and you're not going to get anything out of it, except for the satisfaction that it was helpful. And you get to live in this house. So we had to toss that whole idea. Like it just backfired and turned like they wanted to earn screen time points for everything. And so that totally backfired, but. Right now, I think their screen time usage is just really off the rails and I try to limit it. There's so many devices in this house that I feel like even with timers on everything. That none of it works together. Like their iPad and their switch. Like if they use two hours on their switch, that doesn't mean the iPad is like, well, I'm not going to work because you used all of your screen time on your switch. So it's a lot to manage and sometimes when I'm overwhelmed, I just have to say, screw it. But honestly, I don't know about you guys, but when my kids have spent too much time on YouTube, Or playing video games, they are mean. They're just not nice people. And I think it's because the content. Is so fast paced and changing so fast and they are getting one dopamine hit after another, the entire time they're watching that Mr. B's video. And if they're going to watch, you know, some cheesy sit-com on the Disney channel. It actually has, you know, a 20 minute plot that unrolls with dialogue and sort of character development. And they, I think it affects their brain differently. Like I would rather them watch TV shows with actors in a story. Over. Mr beast. Whatever thing, whatever challenge he's trying to do. And it's not that those videos are entertaining, but oh my God, that the editing on it is just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's so fast. I think it's bad for their brains. So, uh, we've got some grumpy kids around here and I really want to attribute it to their device usage and they will be grumpier before they are nicer. When we try to reign that in. 

They will be grumpier before they are nicer. I'm going to like, so that on a below. Um, and the last thing I'm going to say is it. Parenting, these kids feels hard it's because it is hard. And. Every family is different. And every parent is different. But the workload of raising these kids, particularly if they are neurodivergent is just too much, no matter how hard you. Work, no matter how much you mean, you know, you might have a spouse that helps or friends or family that help. It can still be too much. So if you're tired, if you're overwhelmed, if this is feeling. Too hard. It's true. It is. So I would just encourage you to really think about. What in managing your household is the most important thing. And. Many rank everything and then decide what you can live without and scrap the whole bottom half of the list and decide. I'm just not even going to think about these. I need to think about the other stuff. Lower the bar. I had an episode all about lowering the bar. Lower the bar. Lower the bar for you too. And I have to do that on daily basis because you better believe I over-schedule  📍 and overestimate what I am capable of getting done today in a day. And it is too much. 

Thanks for listening everybody. I appreciate you being here. Keep the show ideas coming. And emails coming. I love hearing from you. And if you have any thoughts or suggestions for me, I would love to hear them. Otherwise, I will see you next time. 

Where the F is. My village is an SP production. Special, thanks to Jason cademy for providing our music.