When You Cry at the Back to School Open House

Villagers! Why must raising tricky kids come with public crying?? I thought I had "all the things" ready for back to school, but at the open house I was hit with a surprise that left me hiding in a corner trying to collect myself.  Luckily we only run the back to school gauntlet once a year!

A Podcast for People Raising Tricky Kids

Transcript

  📍   Welcome back. To where the F is my village. Hi everybody. Are we surviving back to school? Um, I think every school. In my area has started except for ours. We go back next week. Um, when this airs, actually my kids will hopefully be at school. And to be honest, the end of summer is always complete chaos for us. I bet it is chaos for a lot of you. The, especially with us starting so far after all the other schools in our city. There's not really any childcare available. All of the camps have stopped. All of our babysitters are working or they're in high school. So usually I. You know, Casey and I try to balance our schedules and. I will work from home a couple of days, he will work from home a couple of days. I've even taken my kids with me to work. And not that any of my customers ever mind seeing my kids and them coming by. I mean, I don't, it's just stressful for me too. Have one of my kids with me when I'm trying to do my job, it's a little hard to focus and I've been feeling a little frazzled anyway. And I just was looking at the week before school started and I was like, I can't do this. I cannot. Try to work and they're bored to tears. And anyway, so I have. Vacation time that I haven't used. So I was like, forget it. I'm just going to take the week off. And I'm not even going to attempt to work. And of course I ended up working anyway because some of my customers needed things here and there. You know, some, you know, Sometimes you're just never off of work, but for the most part, I was able to take the kids to the movies and go to the park and do activities and have fun instead of. Being super stressed out and like sitting at my desk at my office, trying to work while they're bored and fighting and everything. So we actually had a good week. Um, you know, for the most part, it was pretty fun. And we made it all the way to back to school, open house or whatever. I don't know. Back to school night, I think is a different thing. I guess yesterday was open house. Anyway, we went to open house yesterday. And, you know, we have all three of our kids at the same school. So, you know, we needed to go to the well. We have a fifth grader and a third grader. So we went to their classrooms and then we have an eighth grader. So we needed an H they had kind of moved all of the classrooms around. And how things were going to be. So we had to wander around, wander around and help him figure out his schedule. Um, anyway. 

Leading up to all of this. My trickiest son, actually, my younger two sons, both got glasses. I think I mentioned this before. And. Unfortunately. They are farsighted. So in order to do schoolwork close work, like reading. Worksheets, that kind of thing. They, their vision is blurry. So I just really have been feeling like. They don't need more to struggle with when they're trying to learn and they really should be wearing their glasses. So one of them was excited to wear his glasses. They both look so cute in them. And then, you know, my trickiest kid. I was not all about it. A lot of irrational, anxious fears were coming up. Like. Everyone is going to make fun of me. My friends are going to see me and just walk away. No one will sit with me at lunch. Like. Having glasses on was going to make his whole life at school implode in his mind. So we went through a process of. Bribes, frankly. To try to get them to wear them. And we had already agreed to, we went to the Lego store. We picked out a pretty big star wars. Like I've said that if he wore his glasses to school every day for two weeks, that we would go by. And he agreed to that. And we explained that going to the open house, it was going to be really important for him to have his glasses on. And that really, it was kind of a great way to debut. His glasses. Because it was going to be chaotic. So there would just be moments where people will be like, oh wait,  has glasses. Like the whole place is swirling with people trying to figure out where they're supposed to go and meeting teachers and picking out their lockers and everything. So I thought great. Like it's not like walking into the first day of school. Where it's a little calmer and more organized and maybe the glasses will be more noticeable on the first day of school. So that was the strategy. Well, We struggled to leave the house. 

Just leaving the house with the glasses was hard. He's been wearing them around the house when he's reading or playing on his switch or whatever. 

-But he was refusing to go. To open house. So we went through. A series of things. I mean, He was. He was basically sending himself into complete panic over the glasses. And. You know, I was struggling to find something that he cared about enough, that he would wear them. And it came down to the fact that his iPad, the glass on his iPad has been broken for, I don't even know, six or eight months. And he's supposed to be saving to pay the, um, AppleCare copay to replace the glass. And honestly, I don't know how much it is. I'm. I don't know if it's a hundred dollars or $20. We're just having him save a hundred. Um, And he keeps buying random crap instead. So anyway, the ability to get his iPad, it just keeps getting pushed further and further away. So I was like, I will take your iPad. To the apple store and get it fixed. If you will wear your glasses. To the open house today. And he was like, okay, deal.

So we all go. And get in the car. And I'm like relieved. I'm practical. I'm celebrating in my mind. Like I did it, I nailed it. I found something that he cared about enough. That he's willing to wear his glasses. He happily came in the garden, got in the car. Nailed it. Um, Then we got out of the car in the school parking lot. And he refused to go in the building. So I was like, ah, So again, Casey. And I, I mean, listen, I don't know. Maybe we should have just given up and not made it a thing, but I just, my concern is that maybe one of the reasons. He is just completely out of gas at the end of the school day is because he's also struggling to see. So I just have felt like you need to be able to save. Um, He thinks the doctor is an idiot and it's all lies and he can see just fine. So. So, I don't even know what to say to him. About that. Except that, you know, I was standing right there watching him get his eyes examined and could tell that he was struggling to read small print. Anyway. Kind of had a battle in the parking lot. Got him to agree to go inside. When inside we're in. Uh, lobby area. Kind of a side entrance lobby area, not the main lobby. He's refusing to step one more foot into the school. Like we had three standoffs over these damn glasses. And his brothers are getting really impatient. And can we just go already? Uh, that's not helping. And we were trying to tell our son, like you're making a spectacle of yourself. More so than if you just had glasses on and walked into the building, like it was no big deal, right? Like he's getting upset. People are walking by try to figure out what's going on. Like. 

Anyway, he was, we were all making the situation worse. So. We finally were like, forget it. Forget it we're just going to give up on the glasses. We're not going to wear the glasses. And let's just go inside and meet your new teacher. And I have to say that I didn't realize how emotionally drained I was from all of that. Um, We went to his part of the building first and met his teacher. She seems lovely. And, you know, he filled out all the little papers for that classroom and said hi to teachers that he's, you know, had last year. He's going to have again this year. That was all great. 

But then I noticed that his best friend. Main like his main friend, like we're delighted. He finally has a close friend, friend. Is not going to be in his class. And the way our school does classes. They do blended grade. So fourth and fifth grade. So whoever you're with in fourth year with the following year, And then they backfill with fourth graders and you're supposed to have the same teachers for those two years as well. Um, except for some teachers moved around and anyway, so he doesn't have the same teacher. And then we suddenly realized that his best friend. Isn't going to be in his class and you guys, I started crying. Uh, 

my son was not standing there. He had run off to explore classrooms and stuff. It was me. Standing there talking to one of the teachers. And we, I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because. 

Like. Can this can just like, not have a win, like why. So. I went and looked at the class roster. They had it posted and yup. For sure. His name wasn't on there. And I. I had to excuse myself. I go find a little corner. Two. Stand in and try to calm down. Because the worry. And the stress of like really trying to lay. The groundwork for school to be successful with him is kind of it's constant. And. Part of the appeal to me was this is awesome. Like he's going to have the same teacher as last year. So we're not going to have to re-explain my kid to somebody new, right? Well, Nope. That teacher moves to a different part of the school. So yes. Now I will have to explain my son to new people. And, you know, I just kind of was hoping to skip along to, like, we have friends in our class already. We have the same teacher. Everything's going to be great. And it's all jumbled. And luckily. All of the people. At this school and the teachers that we were talking to were so kind and understanding. And, you know, we were looking at. Are they going to be in special groups together, you know, to go to art and music and stuff like that. Cause it kind of try to mix the kids up. Nope. They're not even going to be in the same group, so we're kind of looking at it and I know they'll see each other, uh, and I needed to settle down. I just, and I w and I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I am getting so emotional about this. I just get so worried. And I really thought that I had, I'm gonna start crying. 

I just thought that I had all of the things lined up. And that. There was going to be less to worry about. 

And. It's just always something. Like it is not fair. They even needs glasses. It's not fair. And I know like half the world needs glasses. I need glasses. But. 

Like, Hey. He doesn't need one more thing. So. You know, It sure would be nice if we went in there and had the expectation. Of ha who was going to be in his class and that it hadn't changed. I know the school. Called his friends. Parents and talk to them about. Like, if they're going to move a kid around, they always call for instance, my younger son. Something about the way. So he just went from second to third grade and second and third graders are together. And. Basically on all of the boys, except him rolled up to fourth and fifth. So. The head of the school or the lower school called me to say, Hey, I don't know how big of a deal this sill be. But he is the only boy in his class. I just wanted to call and talk to you about it. I was like, oh Lord. Um, so we chatted about it and like I said, everyone at this school is so. Supportive and everything they do is so intentional and I appreciated them calling and giving a heads up. I told my youngest. That he was the only boy in his class. He started crying. So I was like, so you're not cool with that because he loves his teacher and you know, they're supposed to have the same teacher two years in a row. He loves her. And he was like, I want to be with boys. I do not want to be the only boy. I'm not having it. So anyway, in the last week, They had been working to find a spot for him. And it's perfect. He's in the class next door. The classrooms are connected. So he's right next to his teacher. From last year and he's with boys. Anyways, these are the things like the constant things, right? Parenting. Um, comes with and you're like, gosh, I hope we made the right decision. I hope that he's happy in that class. And I, you know, I warned him. I said, you know, some of those boys were all together last year and rolled from second to third grade together. It might be hard to break in to those friendships if they already kind of have their thing. I think it'll be fine though, but I'm always just trying to. 

Right size my kids' expectations, I guess. So. Anyway. 

Uh, Being the parent of a tricky kid. It's just never ending. I mean, 

He. And you also never know what he's going to be really upset about because I really expected a big reaction that his friend wasn't going to be his class. And he definitely is not happy about it. But he took it in stride. So. I think clearly I was, I had a harder time than he did. I just. I know. That so many kids can go into in the classroom where they don't know anybody, which isn't the case. He knows. The kids in the class, it's just. 

He's he struggles with friendships and he finally like had this great friend in his class. I was really happy about that. Anyway. Some people it's just harder to make those connections. And I mean, if you put me in a class. And I didn't know anybody. I would have friends by the end of the first month of school. But. Not everyone. Is good at making connections and comfortable talking to people. You don't know that well and trying to wiggle your way. Into a friendship. So anyway. All that to say. That the back to school. Stuff yesterday. Was rough. And it's always chaotic. I mean, there's just a sea of parents and kids going around and they have a new building opening. That's a really cool, but that means a bunch of classrooms have all shifted to different areas of the school. So there was just a lot of people wandering around loss. And trying to find things. And. It was, it was just. The normal stress plus more so. We have survived. We have given up. On glasses. Just give up, forget it. I appreciate it. One of the teachers said, let's just talk to him about how the glasses are there to be a tool. They're a tool and when he needs to use them, he can use them. And when he doesn't need to use them, He can take them off. He's going to lose him. That's a problem. So I need to find a way to label them and make peace with myself that they're going to get lost and they may, or maybe they'll stay in his locker. I'd never come out. And I hate that he may not be able to see his classwork very well. But. 

Anyone else have a kid that has had some major change light glasses, and it was this big of a disaster. And then yesterday I was, I just felt so terrible because I was like, I don't even know if we handled this well. Because. You know, if he were near-sighted. And struggled to see like the chalkboard. Then you just sit the kid at the front of the class and they can like make it without their glasses. There isn't a way to. Accommodate not being able to see a book in front of you very well. Like there's just not a way around it. I don't. I just, and I'm. It's the opposite of my vision. I can read up close. I can, I am blind. If something is more than an arm's length away from me. So. Anyway, I can even relate. Oh, Lord. So, I mean, that's really, all I have to talk to you about today is how rough it went. Yesterday and how we were all exhausted. And I think all of the stress from the day. Uh, shot off a bunch of cortisol. And stress hormones and to him because bedtime last night, it was really hard that he is the sweetest. He apologized multiple times. About the conflict with the glasses. And, you know, I was like, I'm so sorry to, I just, you know, he's like, you're just trying to help. Yes, buddy. I am. I am just trying to help. And you know, your dad and I are just trying to find a way to. Convince you. That it's safe and okay. For you to wear them. And anyway, God bless them. I mean, I got so many. 

So much love and affection last night from him. And. I think he hates that it was so hard for him to. So. I don't think anybody's going to be seen him with his glasses on anytime soon. 

Oh, wow. 

We got one more day and they go back to school and that chaos starts. I bet everyone listening is. In week two of school and has. Cranky. Emotional children on their hands. Like, I don't care who your kid is the first week or two of school is so emotionally draining, especially when you have just had less coming at you during the summer. And then suddenly you're like having to follow rules and be quiet and listen and concentrate for six or seven hours. So God bless everyone. I hope your. Do you mean things like ordering pizza and turning on a movie? And then, you know, Not looking directly at your kids, like don't make direct eye contact. I treat, I treat my kids like a live grenade, the first couple of weeks of school, because they're just so tired. Like we just roll with whatever. We try to be very laid back. About everything the first couple weeks of school until they're in a routine. And then we kind of try to go back to normal. So I hope everybody's doing well with that. I'm sorry. This is such a short episode. I just, things have been chaotic and this is where I am right now is, um, Glasses ruling my life for the last few days. So I'm giving up. And I think. I think and hope that that is going to be okay. And we just need to, Casey was like, wait, He's made so much progress at school. We don't need to, you know, backslide. So if that means. He can't see very well. But he goes to school and has a great day. Otherwise then. Let's do that. So sometimes. Casey comes in as the voice of reason. It's very  📍 appreciated. 

All right, guys, I'll see you back here next week. Reach out. If there's anything I can help with. Especially regarding all the 5 0 4 in IEP stuff, I'm here to help. Have a great week and i will see you back here next time