Emotional Collapse and Finding a Way to Celebrate Neurodivergence

School may be out, but exhausted kids can still have emotional collapse after a fun day at camp. Stefanie discusses how her week has gone and her constant reviewing of strategies for how to get through those sensitive hours when your kid is tired and irritable.

Also, Stefanie has been spending some time researching successful people with neurodivergence as a way to encourage her children (and reassure herself.) The list of creatives, innovators, and historical leaders with neurodivergence is long and she shares a lot of the names so Villagers can remember how special their tricky kids are. 

A Podcast for People Raising Tricky Kids

Transcript

  📍   Hello, and welcome back to where the F is. My village high villagers. Stephanie here. , You guys know my voice. And by now, right? So maybe I don't need to say, Hey, this is Stephanie. , it's me again by myself. , this week, I feel very winded. I, , Yeah, no, those windows of time you have where your kids aren't home. 

You're trying like how many, 5,000 things can I get done in this small amount of time? Because it will be easier than trying to accomplish three things while they're home. So, I don't know what came over me, but today I was like, I need a food processor. There's this meal. It's a really healthy meal that I like to make, but it requires you grading. 

Uh, Sue Keeney and carrots because you hide it in the sloppy Joe meat. So we use lean beef. Uh, maple syrup. Tomato paste. And then you hide the zucchini and the carrots in it, and it's healthy and delicious. And I haven't made it in forever cause you know what? It really sucks to take a bunch of zucchinis and great them on a cheese grater. 

And I don't know why it has not occurred to me until like yesterday. I bet. A food processor could do that. We're not cooks at our house guys. I feel like that might be obvious by now. So I decided, okay, I need to run to target. And I bought the smallest simplest food processor processor I could find. 

So we'll see how that goes. Cause I don't see me using it that often, but maybe I will find all kinds of cool things. So anyway, then I was like, okay, I need to grow up, grab the ingredients to make these sloppy Joes that I'm craving. So I did that. And then I was like, oh, You know what. I, uh, need to buy this shelving thing that I've decided that we need. There's a corner. 

Um, on our back patio, we have an outdoor fireplace, but it's centered on the wall it's on. So there's like the house. Two feet. Outdoor fireplace and that little cranny that is. Like 24 inches is always really dirty. Cause everything like blows in there and that's where the outlet is. So we have all kinds of garbage. 

Like stacked up there. Anyway, I was like, this has got to look better. So I go and I look and I find this little cute Rubbermaid drawer thing. Okay. It's on sale. Great. So I'm going to get that. And then I see all these other bins and I'm like, Hmm. You know, on Instagram, I saw a hack or whatever. 

Where, if you move your condiments into your fruit and vegetable drawers, and then get little clear baskets to put your vegetables and fruits in, you'll be more likely to eat them instead of throwing them away. So today I was like, I'm going to do that. Oh, the organizing stuff at target is on sale today. 

So I bought some of those and those little bins were like two bucks. So that was exciting. So I did that. And then I was like, you know, what has been driving me crazy is we do have a recycling bin. Like we have a, in our kitchen island. We have a little drawer that pulls out and there's a trash can. And then behind it is a recycling bin and you guys it's always full as a matter. 

Matter of fact, our city does recycling and so we have one trash bin and we have two recycling bins. So we, um, go through a lot of cardboard and aluminum cans. So anyway, oftentimes after we go grocery shopping and we break down all of the boxes from the granola bars and the cereal bars and all of that stuff. 

Um, the yogurt pouches, my kids get common boxes. It's actually very annoyed. It's a waste of packaging, but anyway, we break them down. Or maybe you just open a new box of. Granola bars in the middle of the week and you break the box down and it's too big to fit in the trashcan. We just stack it by the back door. 

And I'm tired of looking at it. And Casey is in denial. He's like, we should just take it out. We don't need a container to put it in, just take it to the recycling bin. And I'm like, no, one's going to do that. It's not happening. And we just have stacks of bubbly boxes break, broken down, or, you know, we made tacos and the taco shell box needs to be broken down or the macaroni and cheese box needs to be broken down. 

And it's just all stacked by my back door. It looks terrible. So I was like, I'm going. To see what our options are for that. So I go and look at that and I found this little nice felt thing that Casey is not going to like, and he is going to complain about, and I got that. And anyway, I had two carts. 

And I left. I have to say I was getting these things that don't collapse. Like I was getting laundry hampers that I'm going to label. So each kid has their own laundry hamper and we stopped getting them all mixed up. And I got the dude offs for the fridge. And anyway, I was like, you know, target. You sell all these cool containers, but your. 

How your shopping carts are not designed for me to be able to. Pick up a couple. And take them to the front. You know, I. We have this bathroom. And I think so many like newer constructions homes have this where there's a bedroom, a like long, skinny bathroom where there's two sinks next to it. And then, or two sinks. Side-by-side. 

And then another bedroom, another bedroom. So it's like bedroom, bathroom, bedroom. So the bathroom is like galley style. And there is nowhere to put a laundry basket in there. So today I was like, I am going to find one. And I think I found one it's like narrow. I still think it's going to. Take up too much space. 

But I have had like one of those college hanging bags, hanging from a hook in there, and guess what? You have to open the bag to put the dirty clothes in it. And I guess that is too much of a hurdle for this particular child. 

So I got him a laundry basket. The upstairs bathroom. Is even more tight on space. It's literally like a sink and a toilet. And across from that is a standup shower. And a tiny closet. So there's, I don't even know what, like it's 10 square feet or something. So there's nowhere to put dirty clothes in there. 

So we have removed the cabinet doors on there. Bathroom vanity because one of them broke, frankly. We've never put it back on there. So I was like, you know what? Let's just admit to ourselves, this is how their bathroom looks and it, the breaking was unintentional. And. Anyway, it's hard to find a laundry basket that you can put under a sink because the piping. So I think I have found something today. 

So. 

I'm sure I have said this before, but I have this imagined I'm just a few containers away from organizing my entire life. So, um, I will get back to you on whether the kids actually eat the Clementine oranges that I bought, because they can see them because they're in a little basket or if life is just going to move on the same way, I will circle back to you. 

So, um, I was really, uh, begging Casey to come on the show today. And I think he will eventually. But we have had a really rough week and I don't think he's ready to talk about it. So. Um, school's out. Yay for that. Um, our kids' school offers camps for the summer. They're just during the day. And they have an amazing camp catalog where you can select all these different activities every week. 

And we originally were not going to do the camps when we first moved to this school because we have childcare for the summer. And we have a friend that watches them a couple of days. My mom, you know, we haven't cobbled together. But we realized it was a big culture of the school and our kids. Have always kind of struggled to like my kids only very recently, like have like maybe a best friend or at least like a couple of good friends. 

And it's from going to these camps. So anyway, This week. My oldest is doing biking too. So he is doing mountain biking in various places around town. Um, and he's like our most sedentary. Sedentary child. Our middle one. Is doing golf. So he's spending the morning. Out in the heat, coughing. And then, uh, there, I don't know, they're doing various golf activities in the afternoon. And then my youngest one is doing tennis. 

So they're having a great time. They are so tired. When they get home. They're so tired. They have. They've been in the heat. So, you know, that's hard. And then they have been very active. And they have had tons of social time. So my oldest is very good at this. Like he knows he is out of. Like, there's no part of him left that can be around people. 

So he kind of like curls up in a ball for the drive home, and then he goes straight up to his room when he gets home and he decompresses and he recharges right. And I feel like my other kids are not. Great at recognizing that they need that time. So what ends up happening is we have emotional collapse. 

Which emotional collapse. I think we've mentioned it before is basically kids. Trying to be on their best behavior all day, holding it together as best they can and, you know, having a good day. But they are just completely depleted and kind of turned into total monsters. So. Yesterday. Well every day, this week, frankly. 

One particular child refuses to go chill out for a little while. And that they have screen time and that's the first opportunity they have to use it each day. So I don't know why he doesn't just go sit in his room and play on his iPad or whatever. But he'll immediately be like, I'm going to go see if so-and-so can swim and I'm going to go to the splash pad and I'm going to do this in that. 

And every day, I'm like, you need a break, you need a break and you need a snack. Uh, but once he has kind of gotten into the ugly place, It's really hard to get them back. So yesterday was so frustrated. I have decided with my children. That you can be. Activated dysregulated. Completely out of energy, have a bad day. 

But please don't bring it to the middle of the house. We have an open floor plan, the dining room. Kitchen and living room are kind of all open to each other. And for some reason, there's this desire to be like, I'm going to have my really shitty. Time. Right here where it affects everybody. And that is problematic. 

And I don't think it's fair for everyone else to have to retreat. You know, like I'm going to go in my office. Maybe Casey goes in the bedroom. The other two are in their bedrooms. I think that's baloney. Personally. So, and what happens is we usually have a couple of really rough hours. And then once he's got it out of his system, he's nice. Again, we had a great. 

Game of monopoly last night after dinner. And I'm like, where was this kid earlier? So all, let you know how it goes. But last night, when he finally was calm, I said to him, This is what's going to happen tomorrow when you get home and it's, we're not going to negotiate it. This is what is happening. 

You're going to grab a snack. You're going to grab your iPad and you are going upstairs. Like. Because I don't think he's recognizing his needs. So we'll see, I'm really hoping if he does that he will actually end up recharged enough to be tolerable around the rest of the world. But it's really frustrating. 

You know, one of the things that we. Say to him. Is, you know, I know you're really angry right now. You want to buy Robux? And I'm not letting you buy Robux. 

Um, This doesn't need to take over our entire evening. Yesterday. He was like, if you would just give me what I want, I wouldn't be this way. And I said, well, we don't live in a world where I can say yes all day long to everything. I just can't. I say yes to things. That I can. And currently I am saying no to Robux. If you don't know what robots are. 

Uh, roadblocks is an interactive game online. It's not my favorite thing, but basically like anybody can make a game and you have your little avatar. And you can like earn. Money, I guess, on there that you can spend. But if you use actual American dollars to buy these robots, which are just tokens. 

You can like. Make your avatar cool house. Or get them in a cool new outfit or he can have a really amazing hat. So a computer generated nothing. Is getting my money for this hat that has nothing to do. Even with like the success of how well you do in the game. So. We can talk about that for a second. So, okay. 

Yesterday. It's always dangerous to ask Facebook friends for advice, but actually this went well yesterday. I just said. What is your policy with your kids? Allowance. Ha like how much freedom are you letting them have with what they spent our kids currently? Have we have an app called Greenlight and a certain percentage of their money goes to like a charitable account. 

A certain percent goes to savings and then the rest goes into spending. And I'm like, So maybe in the spending column, if they want to buy three bags of gummy bears, To I just. Let them. Or. Bye Robux because I guarantee if I let them use their allowance, they would sit down and that's how they would spend it every week. 

So anyway, I got a lot of interesting perspectives and I really appreciated the fact that. Most of the parents. Also, we're kind of struggling with how to handle this, particularly the virtual thing. Some people were saying, you know, I require my kids to spend their money on tangible items. I think there's a fair argument for that. 

And many of them were saying you have your own money and you can use it. But later when you ask for blank, A Lego set, a bicycle, whatever. I'm going to tell you. That you have to pay for it. And you've wasted all your money on gummy bears. So. 

I think. I'm going to do is adjust the amounts that are going into spending and savings. And maybe make it either more equal or maybe even savings has more than spending. And I think I'm just going to let them waste it on robotics. And I'm just not gonna say anything. I'm just. I mean, I think we're going to have a lesson about how he's never going to have any money. 

Uh, eventually, and my other two are constantly asking for Robux or new games or whatever it may be. And, um, I just, it's funny. Growing up when I was a kid, I just thought like every household had their rules of like how their kids were going to have an allowance or how their kids were going to have chores. 

And that the parents had really thought through it and like, it really made sense. And they really knew it was the right decision. And what I'm realizing as a parent is that was probably all BS. Like there are some people out there I'm sure who are like, I have this idea and this is the right way to do it. And I feel completely competent in it. But I think the rest of us are trying to decide like how can my kid develop skills for managing his money and how can he have some freedom to make some mistakes? 

And I do believe in letting them make mistakes while they still live in my house. Um, But I also like don't want them to eat a 10. One week. When I got paid their allowance. We went to target so they could pick out a toy and instead they each bought a gallon of ice cream. 

I was like, Okay. If that's what you want, but the gallon of ice cream was gone by Sunday. Like they bought it on a Friday. So that I don't know. So that was a lesson there in like, well, now your money's all gone and you have. Your stomach is upset or whatever. But, um, oh gosh. Anyway, the constantly. 

Constant like second guessing. Of, if you're doing the right thing is hard. So, anyway, I'll keep you posted. But our current, I think my current strategy is to give them a smaller, you know, maybe 40% of their allowance goes into spending and 50% goes into savings and 10% goes to charity. And I'm just going to let go. 

Of the spending. Box and we'll see how it goes and we'll see if they can learn to manage their money. And then one of my friends pointed out, she was like, I don't know if you've started thinking about. You know, your kids driving and how you're going to handle them, having a car. Um, but this is what we did. And I'm like, oh my God. We're like, my oldest is going into eighth grade. 

So, um, We need to come up with a plan, like what is going to be our expectation to pay for car insurance? What is going to be our expectation for paying for the car? Do we want them to get a job? Et cetera. I got to come up with a strategy because he really needs to start. Now, if we're going to require him to. 

Put money towards a car. He needs to start saving his $13 a week that he's getting currently. So I was like, oh God, I mean, I'm really excited for him to be able to drive for sure. It'd be really nice if he could take his brothers to school. That's my fantasy. Um, but, oh my gosh, it's still seems so far away, but I guess it's just around the corner. So. 

That's just a little bit about what's going on with us. I have to say it's been a very stressful. Week in the evenings and it has been very frustrating. And we're trying to do all of the things as far as remaining calm. And not giving attention to negative behavior and giving attention to good behavior. And. 

If somebody flips out and loses their temper, they have to clean it up by coming in and making amends or taking, you know, taking care of. The mistakes that they made, whether it's apologizing or saying, you know, I yelled at you earlier, so I'm going to help low load the dishwasher. Maybe like there's a physical action. Anyway, we're trying to do all of those things. And in theory, that sounds easy, but when you're tired, 

And. You're stressed and you're like on day four of constant emotional collapsed. You're like, You lose your patients. So anyway, we're going to see how tonight goes last night. I kind of took over for Casey. I was gone the night before. And he, it was just him all night. So, um, Oh, God bless us. Uh, I it's so funny because Casey says this and I say it too. I'm like, you know what? 

I don't want to say your name. Over and over again in the car on the way to school. Like, I don't want to, I don't want to correct your behavior. Like every second and I'm sure it really sucks to hear your name over and over and over again because of what you're doing. 

You know, it's like, I don't want to be this way. Help me help you. Um, Got the name of that, Jerry Maguire. I was like, the name of that movie just fell out of my head, but help me help you. I don't want to get onto you, so you need to make better choices. So. Anyway. Campus fun. And I love that they're doing it, but good Lord. They're tired in the night and it sucks. 

Okay really quickly. I kind of. Lately, I've been talking to my kids. Um, about their ADHD. And trying to talk about the positives. One of my kids actually was supposed to research a figure, you know, a person at school. And he chose Elon Musk, which I thought was interesting. I didn't know. He even knew who he was. 

But one of the things he focused on was that he has ADHD. So anyway. I thought it might be interesting to discuss with my listeners. All of the people who are successful that have ADHD. And I look at this list. For a couple of reasons. One, it is very helpful to me. It's reassuring because when you're having a crappy day and like one of your kids can't even like, make it to school with both his shoes. 

That hasn't happened in a long time, but you know what I'm saying? You're sitting here going, how are you going to survive? Life, like, what is it going to look like? I'm scared. And I try to be like, okay, listen, there's still kids. Like, you don't know where they're going to go. But the truth of the matter is, is that a lot of innovators and artists have ADHD and I have decided, and this is Ansel scientific that I don't think that the neuro typical and the neuro divergent. 

Are like, I don't think that there's, you know, only 10% of us or 20% of us are neurodivergent. I think the number is closer to 50 50, and we're all walking around asking one category of people to behave like the other. And it kind of reminds me of. Like. I am naturally a night owl. I was born this way. My circadian clock was designed this way. 

And if you look at human evolution, if you were living in a tribe, you needed me because I was most awake at night and I can be on Nightwatch and I can keep everyone safe. Right. And then the people who naturally are early risers can take over when I'm asleep. Right. This is a real thing. There has been study after study, after study about. 

Like respecting your Circadian clock. But the truth of the matter is, is that I get my best sleep between midnight and 9:00 AM. Well guess what the world doesn't start after I've gotten ready for work at 10:00 AM. Like I can't do that. And we put a lot of esteem on people who get up early and I just want to be like, if you can't sleep past six, you did not do anything virtuous versus. 

Me who is struggling to get up. If anything. I think about it. I'm the virtuous person, because I'm dying. To get up that early because I struggle to fall asleep. Lucky for me, Casey is also a night owl. So we get a lot of alone time between like nine 30 and midnight. And I mean, but it's, I'll have been tired in the mid-afternoon and then by. 

Nine o'clock I'm like, I'm ready to go. What are we going to talk about? What are we going to do? I'm my brain is like going, so, okay. So anyway. That being said, so. The way I'm trying to compare this. This is the world is set up for people who circadian rhythm is like naturally get up in the morning and work a full business day. It is not set up for night owls, even though nine owls were born the way they were born, it's scientifically proven, but we have to put ourselves into the morning people box. 

Right. Um, just like that. I think there's a population and I think the population in my opinion is bigger than we think. Are trying so hard to fit into the neuro-typical. Box. And that's really a huge part of the struggle. And if they were able, like, if there was a school system that was like, okay, neuro-typical gifts, you go over here, neurodivergent kids here, or you go it. And it were, the world is not designed for people whose brains work this way. 

And honestly, I think that's what leads to innovation and creativity. Because this type of person will die on the vine and a cubicle. Working on spreadsheets. And I know people who actually thrive on doing that, right? Like they love it. They love. Uh, how exacting it is. They love that it can be complete by the end of the day that they, it all makes sense. They can is something that you can wrap your arms around. Right. A good spreadsheet that, you know, you're monitoring or handling taxes or whatever. 

So these other people are going to die. They would sooner die. They will get fired from every job. If that's the job they try to get. So these people, many of them end up being. Successful. Innovators. Or creatives. And. If that isn't the case, they find a job that makes sense for them. Like maybe they're a salesperson who has control of their schedule and gets to talk to people all day. 

Maybe there are recruiter, same type of thing. Um, maybe they work in advertising or marketing these different types of jobs. That allow them to be the person they were designed to be. When they were in school, they couldn't be. I hope this is making sense. So I kind of wanted to just rattle off. A lot of names of people who have ADHD. 

So. This website, I'm going to give them credit. It's mental up dot C O. And I actually found several like reputable lists, but this one was the easiest to read while I'm here talking to you. So. So seven famous actors and actresses. Zoe Deisha now has ADHD. Emma Watson, Michelle Rodriguez, Woody Harrelson, Ryan Gosling will Smith. Jim Carey. 

Athletes Simone Biles. Michael Phelps, Terry Bradshaw, Michael Jordan. Singers Solange Knowles. Will I am. Adam Levine. Justin Timberlake, John Lennon. And then famous authors. Um, Dave Pelkey who is the captain underpants sky? Agatha Christie. George Bernard Shaw and Jules Verne. I don't know how they knew those people had ADHD. I don't know if this is people looking back. 

Um, Through their activity and assigning it to them or supposing that they probably had it. So historical figures, Walt Disney had ADHD, Mozart Alexander Graham bell, Thomas Edison. Albert Einstein. Leonardo da Vinci. That's a long list and there's even more people. Paris Hilton lately has been talking a lot about her struggle with she only recently. 

Um, was diagnosed with ADHD. And if you don't know a lot about Paris Hilton, you should listen to the episode of armchair expert where Dax interviews her. She's actually a very smart person who has been through a lot that has nothing to do with her reality TV stuff. Britney Spears, Kurt Cobain, Tom cruise, magic Johnson, Liv Tyler. 

Vincent van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, bill gates, Benjamin Franklin. Richard Branson from Virgin Atlantic. Wilbur Wright of the Wright brothers. Elvis Presley, Beethoven, Handel. John F. Kennedy. Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill Churchill, Stephen Hawking, Galileo, Isaac Newton. Eleanor Roosevelt, Christopher Columbus. Really? How do they know that? 

Socrates. Steve jobs. Danny Glover, the actor will be Goldberg Mohammad Ali, Cameron Diaz. Megan Fox Stevie wonder. Avril Levine. Sorry. Avril Levine. That's a lot of names. And I hope you caught them. And the reason I read them all is because I think it's important. Just like, I think it's important for representation for. 

In the media for children who, um, You know, have different colors of skin or have different types of disability for them to see themselves reflected back at them on TV or in sales and marketing or. The world, right. I don't think PD people with ADHD. Walk around seeing that, like, I actually think I'm going to print out. 

Some of this and hang it up. In my house. As a reminder. To my kids. That. While it is frustrating as they try to go through school. In a neuro-typical world. That. They are capable of great things. So. This article says evidently ADHD does not have to be an obstacle to achieving success. So. Right. Exactly. And there are plenty of people. 

Who never realized they have ADHD and struggle and struggle. And that super breaks my heart. Because. 

If you are walking around and you don't realize you're different. It's just like how I joke that I realized that I had. Anxiety. From taking a Buzzfeed quiz. Because I didn't know that everyone else wasn't walking around with these nervous thoughts and overthinking and electricity going through their body. Like I'd never been inside of someone else's body. 

And reading the chart. I was like, so wait, this is a list of things that I do. And you're telling me that people at the anxiety do this. So I like showed it to my husband. I'm like, do you do any of these things? And since he's a robot, he said, no, Like a few of them, right? Like if you have a job interview the next day, you might be a little nervous at bedtime or whatever. 

But not the bulk of them. So in that same way. If you don't know. You have ADHD? I can't imagine. How that would feel and what a failure you might feel like as you're trying to pigeon hole or not pigeon hole, square peg in a round hole. Yourself. So anybody out there who listens to this, and they're just like, I wonder if my kid is neurodivergent in some way. 

I think one of the biggest reasons to try to just get an idea of what it might be. 

Is not just so that you can adjust your parenting and advocate for them at school, but it's also so that the kid who is sitting there seeing. Things. You know, appear to go easily for others. And there, I think there's something wrong with them or they're stupid. And they're not stupid. They just, it's going to take a while for them to learn their multiplication table. Cause they don't have working memory. For example. 

So I know it can be really scary to, you know, wonder if your kid is on the autism spectrum. If your kid has oppositional. Defiant disorder. If they have PDL PTSD. Anxiety depression, all of these things. Some of those are more urgent. Obviously depression is. Um, But I think it's just important to get an idea so that it's not going to change how much you love them. It's not going to, it's not really not going to change anything. 

Right. Just knowing something. It might be scary to know, and it's easier to ignore. But I really think for the child, it's so important for them. To have an understanding. Of why their brain works and. Why they might be struggling in a certain area. So anyway, That's my soap box. 

Okay. Since Shelley and I have talked a lot about. Adoption and fostering on here. I thought it might be interesting people who are struggling raising. Children who, you know, maybe come from trauma and they have adopted them or they're fostered them not to put like, you know, Rose colored glasses on anything. 

Or oversimplify anything, but I just thought this was interesting. Sorry. I kind of just looked like successful people who were adopted. Steve jobs is one of them. Frances McDormand of. Ah, Fargo. I was like, oh God, I couldn't think of the name of it. The academy award winning actress. Keegan Michael Key. 

He's hilarious. Snicky. Um, Jersey shore on MTV. Um, Liz, Phair the singer faith hill, the singer. JC. 

from. Was he, he lives in incent. Great. He wasn't in boys, Backstreet boys. I can't remember Nicole Richie. Debbie Harry. Nelson Mandela. This is interesting. He was adopted after his father passed away. Okay. That's interesting. A lot of these were, are at kinship situation, but still they were adopted, they weren't with her. 

You know, Biological parents, Sarah McLaughlin, Kristen Chenowith. I thought that was interesting. Cause she's from Oklahoma. I didn't know that. John Lennon again. He, his name also comes up when you're discussing, um, Notable people who were fostered. Railey Ray. Liotta Jamie Fox. Andy Dick. Scott Hamilton, the ice skater, Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy's. 

Colin Kaepernick. Simone Biles. Michael bay, the director. Ted Danson. Eric Clapton, my Angelou. 

Okay. That's the end of the list. I hope I'm not boring you by reading these names, but I just thought it was interesting. I think it's important to just go, oh wow. That's really interesting. They had to probably overcome something to get to where they are. And this list is of people who were in kinship care or fostered Oprah Winfrey was in kinship care. 

So as president bill Clinton. So was who have I not mentioned LL bean, the founder of LL bean was adopted. 

Gerald Ford, the 30th president was adopted. Sam Goldwin was in foster care. He was the movie. A movie studio co-founder of. MGM. That also has soon. The hairstylist was in foster care. Herbert Hoover. This is interesting. It's another president 31st per. 31st president was in kinship care, Malcolm X, same thing. 

I've already addressed Nelson Mandela. But Dr. Ruth was in foster care. Eleanor Roosevelt was Jesse Jackson was adopted. Coco Chanel was in kinship care. Let's see anybody else on this list. That could be interesting. We're starting to get to people I've never heard of. 

Okay. Okay. So I think. Anyway. I think that you get the idea. It kind of makes me want to sit down and write a book about this. If anybody would have any ideas on how to make that happen? Oh, Nancy Reagan. She was in kinship care and adopted. Okay, I'm going to start looking at that. 

Rep representation matters. And I think it's so important. For people to see themselves reflected back to them. So I apologize for rattling through all of those. I'm going to make a note to myself, to post the link when I post this episode. Link to lists. So, anyway, I wanted to kind of say like ADHD pride, right? Like, hold your head high. 

I know many of us are struggling and raising these children and if we can survive raising them, I think they're going to turn out to be great people. And it's really important that while you're raising them that you don't break that potential in them. So that we're trying so hard. I'm trying so hard. 

To do that. And, um, if you are struggling to see the end, because you're just in it, you're in the thick of. Navigating helping your kids study or do homework or thank God it's summer. Right? Um, Just know that if you can give your child that ha is. Neurodivergent in some way. You know, If you can give them support, there's just so much potential for them to be great people. I think it's important to remember that. 

So that's kinda all I have for this week. I just kind of wanted to celebrate how creative and different some of our kiddos probably are. And I think it's important, you know, like a gratitude journal where you're supposed to write five things. You're grateful for. I kind of feel like there are weeks where I need to sit down and do that about my kids. You know, if you just had a terrible week, 

I think I need to sit down and say to myself, I need to write down. All of this child's wonderful qualities, their best qualities. And I'm going to try like, hell. When they told me my parenting sucks, which he literally did last week. 

That there are also all of these amazing things. And if I can give him the support and guidance and parenting. That eventually. More. I'm like, I want more of the warm qualities. The. The qualities I'm grateful for. Right. So I think I'm going to try that. I'm going to write that down. Gratitude journal. 

I'll come back next week and I'll let you know how it gums. I literally just thought of that. So that's it for me guys. Thank you so much for listening. I am working on trying to get some guests. I have no idea what it is like for you as a listener to just listen to me, talk for 45 minutes. I don't know if it is enjoyable or boring. 

'cause I'm not, I don't have the banter currently. I really think my husband and I would have some fun banter. Try so hard to get him on here. Um, and Shelley and I are working on trying to find some scheduling dates. So that's kind of where we are. So anyway, send me some feedback. I really will be understanding if you send me some feedback. 

And you're like, Stephanie, it's just more entertaining when you're talking to the other person and I will understand. I'm going to take next week off. I have a work meeting that has me working all weekend next weekend. So I will not have the capacity. To put together a podcast, but I will be back. 

At it on what day I'm going to  📍 look. Hopefully we'll have an episode for you. The next episode would be the 19th. So thanks for listening and. Love to hear from you in the comments. Thanks.   

Where the F is my village is produced by Shelley Cadamy and me Stefanie  Phariss with editing by Stefanie Phariss. Special. Thanks to Jason cademy for writing and creating our original music where the F is. My village is an S P S C production